Faith. weights and heartache.

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“Your lipstick, his collar.  Don’t bother angel, I know exactly what goes on.”

 

Welcome to part two.  I actually am blown away by the response I got from my previous blog.  From people saying how much it helped them, to going through the same, to just thanking me for helping them find inner strength as well.  That was my whole goal for this website.  To help everyone and be as raw as possible but also know that you’re not alone.

 

As I previously mentioned, life hasn’t be going as smoothly as I would hoped for.  Sometimes we put ourselves out there.  We try to do good, we try actually anything we can to help because we love someone so much that it pains us to see them in pain.  However sometimes, we end up wearing the pain more than anyone.  You can’t change the world, but you can make a dent in it.  You can’t change someone either, but you can at least do what you felt in your heart was right and try to help.  So where do we go when we hit rock bottom?  When all our efforts have failed and we have finally received that last crushing blow?  Some over medicated, or drink or try to mask the hurt and pain.  Some seek attention, especially in a day of social media and twitter.  Others lay around and cry for days.  There will be good days, and there will be bad days.  Most times, the bad days will be more frequent and overwhelming for sure.  For me, when that final last lie hit me in the face, a sinking gut feeling, you see with your own eyes, you look into their eyes as you pass by and everything they’ve been telling you turns out to be not true.  It hits hard.  You don’t know whether to throw up, or to cry, to get angry or just be depressed and sad.  You start recounting every moment you ever had with that person, and realize the illusion of safety was not there.  You thought it was, but it was an act.  But if you know you did well, you know you were a good person, you will heal.  It may take days, months, years.  But it will come. Even if that person occupies all your thoughts at the moment. You might not be in theirs, or maybe you are. You just never know anymore. What was once a sure thing, is now a second guess. What was once Love, Hope and a promise of a simple drama free life and a family to grow old with down by the water has been replaced instantly. It only takes one second to change your life.

 

“I bet you’re up late at night, soaking up sympathy from friends who barely love you half as much as me”

 

While I was working out today, I looked down and saw my keys on the floor.  Maybe it was the way the light hit it, but just seeing my crucifix shine, I knew I wasn’t alone.  Now this isn’t saying that because I’m religious you need to be too.  But what I am saying is, even in those darkest times, we aren’t alone.  The shadows will eventually give way to light.  Love does overcome and it will find us again.  We all have our vices, for me it’s working out.  I’m currently having to change my exercise regiment.  When we are stressed, or overwhelmed, we need to be smart about things.  For example, I’m not deadlifting 450 lbs for sets.  I’ve lowered it down to 375 lbs, my mind isn’t as dialed in as before, it will take time.  But exercising is still my healthy output to keep my mind strong.  If you’re going through a tough time, make sure you program properly, you too will overcome what you’re going through.  The strength within you will preserver and you will come back better than you were before!  Believe in yourself, you have it in you, better days are ahead!

 

“My lungs are black but my heart is pure”   

Matt Barrett